Tag: The Ashes

London, Day 3 and the Losing of the Ashes

This is a poster up in my sister’s kitchen, espousing the good old British spirit which carried us through the war years.

Spent most of Saturday setting my a wireless network and generally tidying up my sister’s laptop. IT literacy, like most things in life, is a relative measure. To my sister and her partner Angela I am fully qualified technical support. To someone like Jones I am a technical disaster waiting to strike. He knows the latter is a more accurate appraisal of my IT abilities because he has to field the panicky calls from me whenever I blow something up. However, this time all appears to be working ok after my tinkering.

This weekend I also had the chance to meet Jo and Stewart, friends of my sister, who will be in Melbourne at the same time as me. They are heading over there for a wedding in Airlie Beach, and are very sensibly only attending one day of the 4th Test at the MCG. Rather less sensibly, they are taking their baby son Lewis with them on the trip. Although Jo, like my sister, is a nanny by profession, so if she can’t handle it, I’m not sure who can.

Looking forward to seeing them again in Melbourne, it will be nice to have a couple of familiar faces there.

Last night, I joined my friends Tom and Joy at a carol service at St Paul’s Hammersmith. Tom was one of three flatmates who put up with me for my final two years at university.

All three of my ex-flatmates from that flat are now married. Probably the first to go (my chronology of these matters is a little vague) was Koji – who married Hwee-Sng when he returned to Singapore after graduating. Hwee-Sng was also studying in Edinburgh with us. Tonight I fly out to Singapore for 2 nights – sometime tomorrow I will see them again for the first time in over 10 years.

My sister, with her customary sensitivity, stops outside my door this morning, and announces “I think you’ve lost the Ashes.” Like I lost them myself, personally.

“I know” I reply, gruffly. I had, at some point during the night, switched on Radio 4 LW on the little radio I put beside the bed last night for precisely this purpose. Mercifully I missed the denouement itself, but I got the gist of the way things had turned out, even in a semi-conscious state.

Mornings are not a time when I like people telling me things I’d rather not hear, especially if I already know them. Tom and Koji, I imagine, both learned this. But Alison sounds positively cheery about England’s capitulation. Having recently opined that “There’s too much cricket chat on your blog”, perhaps she thinks this will reduce it.

Ha! Little does she know. Plenty of cricket left in this series. Still time for England to win two Test matches, and cast a gloriously artificial sheen on the series result.

Come on England. Keep calm and carry on.

First Test, the Aftermath

Today’s text comes from Psalm 127: “In vain you rise early and stay up late, eating the bread of anxious toil…” Or in my case, eating chocolates, anxiously. Have now spent two fruitless late nights/early mornings watching England’s miserable performance in the First Test. Followed that with a late night showing of the new Bond film, in Glasgow, which was great fun, but another late night… naturally I was working the next morning, so no respite there either.

But here I am, after a few days’ intensive sleep therapy, ready for my enthusiasm to take another battering at the hands of the Aussies in the Second Test. Starts Friday. Empirical research* has shown that the Aussies are susceptible to Mingles, so they will be the sweet of choice.

Michael Vaughan, out injured for a year now, is making noises about being fit to play before the Ashes series is out.. question: with the series tied at 2-2 going into Sydney (humour me here), would you play Vaughan if he was fit? He played a warm-up game today against some 2nd XI in Perth, and scored…. 0. Ashes-winning captain he may be, but am unsure how many runs he would contribute, so the primary attraction of fast-tracking him back into the side would be for his captaincy. And if Freddie has skippered England to two victories at that stage (humour me here) would you dump him as captain to accommodate Vaughan? If he hasn’t managed to win or draw a game by that stage, it will all be academic anyway…

Sigh. Come on England. Restore our faith in you (well, mine and Friendy’s faith anyway) and give the Aussies a good pummelling this weekend. I’ve got a box of Mingles in specially.

* Outcome of trials indicates that the more Mingles consumed during a session, the more emphatic the beating taken by the Aussies. Research only undertaken on the PS2, but extrapolation of these results to real Test matches is surely a reasonable approach.

First Test, Day 1

So, it hasn’t been a great start for England. Australia 346/3, with Ponting unbeaten on one hundred and thirty-something overnight, and Mike Hussey looking ominous as well.

There are two clear reasons why Australia dominated the first day so easily.

(1) I didn’t manage to finish reading the Times Ashes supplement, which threw my whole Ashes buildup into disarray

(2) I was eating the wrong chocolates for the first hour and a half of the first session. Big packet of Aero things, green packet. GREEN packet, I ask you. It’s Maltesers tonight, red and white packet, can’t go wrong. And Empire Biscuits (thanks Neebs) – more red and white.

So I think I’ve put (2) right, although the Malteser supply has been significantly depleted by Mrs Robbo. However, despite some speed-reading, I haven’t quite finished that jolly supplement yet. Been a busy evening. Mr Robbo is installed on the sofa sous duvet and ready for the cricket to recommence. Time for me to sign off and join him. In watching the cricket, not under the duvet.

Duvet? It’s not often I prefer American terms to British, but I think ‘comforter’ might be more appropriate.

Come ON the Poms 🙂

Ashes predictions pt II

Well, the hour is fast approaching. In a little over 3 hours as I write, the first ball will be bowled in Brisbane in the most eagerly anticipated Ashes series since, um, the last one.

As someone who likes to read cricket articles most days on cricinfo.com, I have to say I have been almost suffocated in potential reading material. Every newspaper has had a special pull-out supplement on the Ashes, and the aforementioned website has been creaking under the weight of online articles about Anglo-Australian cricket, from every conceivable angle. Everyone from Tony Blair to Johnny Borrell, lead singer of Razorlight, has been interviewed.

So the first session of the First Test is approaching fast, and I am still desperately trying to wade through the last supplement, as I confess I will feel underprepared for the series without consuming every word written on the subject.

However, I have taken some time out from my busy special-supplement-reading schedule to share some more specific predictions, bear with me and try to show some interest.

(1) Glenn McGrath will not last the 5 Tests

(2) Andrew Strauss will reprise Michael Vaughan’s excellent tour 4 years ago and plunder a lot of runs

(3) Ian Bell will do ok, better than last time. Alastair Cook I am not so sure about, I think he might struggle. KP and Flintoff will score big when it comes off for them, and get out cheaply when it doesn’t

(4) Warnie will take another 40 or so wickets in the series

(5) Hayden and Langer will get the Aussies off to much better starts than they did in England. But I think Flintoff will still have the wood on Gilchrist

(6) Harmison. Aaaaaaaaaggh. If Harmison bowls as he can in 4 out of 5 Tests, England will win the series. Otherwise Australia will take the honours. Which means I think Australia will take the honours.

I realise number (6) there contradicts my series result prediction in my previous post, but to be honest that one was more hopeful than expectant…

Come on the Poms

Ashes predictions

Ok folks, it’s time to lay your cards on the table, put your money where your mouth is, etc etc.

The First Test at Brisbane is only days away, and I have no doubt that you are all agog with anticipation (note to the literati, can one be agog with anticipation?) although perhaps not as intensely as Jones, whose love of cricket is something to behold.

So, how’s it going to pan out? Who will win? Will anyone in fact win, or will each match end in a draw, bewildering any Americans who come across the cricket news while scanning the channels for the Simple Sports results?

For those unfamiliar with cricketing parlance and nomenclature, the Ashes will consist of five Test matches, each of which could result in an Australian win, an English win, or a draw. Theoretically any of them could also be tied, which is different from a draw, but this last result is about as likely an event as Wiseman ordering a soft drink.

So the series could end up 5-0 to either team, or 0-0. It will not finish 7-5, as somebody somewhere has predicted. Neither 5-0 or 0-0 is terribly likely either, although Glenn McGrath, legendary Aussie fast bowler, is fond of predicting 5-0 Australian wins. He did this before the last Ashes in England last year. Unfortunately for him and Australia, he is getting on a bit, and ‘had a fall’ just before the 2nd Test, which England then won, and duly went on to take the series 2-1. So I wouldn’t place too much stock in his predictions.

However, an Australian win is considered likely by most pundits. I’m going to go for 2-2, which would be good enough for England to retain the Ashes. The Aussies have to win the series to get them back.

So, have a punt! Leave a comment with your best guess, by 12:29am on 23 November, and I will transfer it to the main page as soon as I get a chance. Whoever gets the right result might get a nice present from Australia. Nothing big of course, something small enough to fit in my suitcase, like Kylie Minogue. If a few of you get the right result, you’ll just have to share her…

3-1 Eng: Nasty Jen
2-1 Eng: AQ, Friendy
2-2: the Weir

2-1 Aus: Annie-Anne, Stephen
3-1 Aus: Diana, Colin Eye
3-0 Aus: Kenny D
4-1 Aus: Matt

Hinckley and beyond

Spent last weekend in Hinckley, near Leicester. Had an early start on the Thursday morning. Awoke to find the clock displaying 5:56 am. Decided this couldn’t possibly be correct as I was picking up Stuart in town at 5:55 am. Phoned Stuart, who was shivering on a street corner, to explain that my clock was running ridiculously fast, and so must his, if he was waiting for me already. He didn’t buy it.

Had the world’s quickest shower and we hit the road half an hour later than planned, which got us there bang on time. Frankly my colleagues should’ve been more grateful to me for rescuing them from half an hour of idle chat with fellow hearing aid dispensers.

Speaking of early starts on Thursday mornings, the First Ashes Test begins next Thursday morning, at 1am GMT. Myself and Robbo are currently considering how we can turn ourselves into nocturnal creatures for 5 days at a time… a plan doomed to fail methinks but you can be sure we’ll give it a go.

England are midway through their third warm-up game of the tour, and despite one or two setbacks my feeling is they’re looking ok. Unsure whether “ok” will be enough, but the one advantage this England team has over previous touring sides to Australia is that they know they can beat them. And if they can even hang on for a draw in the First Test, they will get some momentum and confidence from that and can build on it. Lack of confidence is not something we non-English usually perceive in English sporting teams – witness the rugby and football teams, for example. Both of these outfits are so confident in their own abilities they regularly cross the line into arrogance, which winds up everyone else in the UK, and leads to much hilarity when they fail. The cricket team is a strange beast, in that it can draw on a fair bit of support from Scotland, unusual in the extreme for an English sports team. Their players’ apparent humility makes them more endearing to us ‘outsiders’. The humility, I think, stems from a realistic recognition of their limitations. The lack of ridiculous salaries, as would be paid to their footballing counterparts, must also help them rein in their egos, I imagine.

In the run-up to the Ashes, long and much-hyped (in cricket circles) though it has been, there has been no trumpeting by anyone in the England camp, or, crucially, in the media, of how and why they will beat the Aussies. Most informed pundits recognise that the task they face is a huge one, and are accordingly circumspect about England’s chances in the series. Contrast that with the England football team’s statements prior to (and during) the World Cup this year, which served only to add sting to their humiliating exit.

But back to Hinckley. It was a decent enough conference, although I became quite skilled at the golf game on my mobile phone by the end of the third day. On the first evening, our hosts had sponsored a whisky-tasting experience as part of the meal they provided. Matt sampled rather too much of the first example, and was subsequently somewhat unable to objectively assess the quality of the remaining three. But he had a go. Whisky-tasting wasn’t much use to me, as I was driving us back to our hotel. Which was in Coventry, as the hotel we’d booked into in Hinckley had messed up our booking. My Coventry hotel room had a bed which was clearly designed with the American girth in mind. Quite simply the biggest bed I have ever seen. I am fairly confident that all 3 of us could have slept in it without needing to know there was anyone else in the bed. However, we didn’t test out the theory.

1am, Saturday. England 35/3 against a state side in the final warm-up game. So much for looking ok. Come on boys…

Batman and cricket

Wiseman has been looking at my monthly website stats, and has pointed out that his page is the most popular of the character pages. I would reply that this is because I haven’t put anyone interesting on there yet, but it seems a little harsh.

Had an extensive cinematographic experience this week. That is, I watched two DVDs – following up Batman Begins on Monday night with Blue (as in Trois Couleurs: Bleu) on Tuesday. I was expecting to enjoy the latter more, ambitiously fancying myself as one of the cognoscenti in these matters, and occasionally in the past having found arthouse cinema (what little I’ve seen of it) extremely enjoyable/moving/disturbing (Talk to Her, for example).

What actually happened was I found Batman Begins brilliant, and Blue just weird. I began to wonder if the experience was analogous to how a cup of coffee with my usual one sugar tastes somehow less sweet when drunk after munching my way through several pieces of chocolate cake.

Anyway, I have shelved my aspirations to join the cognoscenti for the moment, and can’t wait for the sequel to Batman Begins. There’s something very appealing about films which feature men with limitless money getting to build Bat Caves and cavort around a city in costume beating up baddies. With gadgets. I suspect this may be a bloke thing.

As I write, the England team are aboard a plane bound for Sydney, as the Ashes tour finally gets underway. I am beginning to fret about England’s chances in the series. It strikes me that their bowling unit, which was so devastating in the last series, is creaking at the seams. Steve Harmison, who can destroy the best batsmen in the world when it suits him, has been spraying his deliveries around like water from an unsecured hosepipe with the tap on full. Flintoff, who is as good as any bowler in the world (and better than most) on his day, hasn’t bowled an extended spell since the early summer. He got to bowl a few overs in India during England’s final game in the Champion’s Trophy, but that hardly counts for much, and unless he gets some serious overs in during England’s warmup games, he’s going to go into the First Test pretty rusty. Matthew Hoggard is not expected to prosper as much as he does under home conditions (truer pitches and a different make of cricket ball which will not swing as much). However, it’s worth remembering that some of his best performances in an England shirt have been overseas – in New Zealand, South Africa and India. And as Hoggy himself said only today – “At the end of the day, it’s just a red thing that you wang down the field and hope to land in the right areas.” Brilliant.

My own feeling is that Sajid Mahmood, until now a bit hot and cold, especially as regards accuracy, could be a revelation on fast bouncy Australian pitches. And Monty Panesar will, I think, be very effective. So all is not lost. Not yet, anyway. Plenty of time for more hand-wringing before 23 November, mind…

Adventures in the mountains

The Trossachs were shrouded in thick black cloud and reeked of menace this morning as I headed up the M9. (Bear with me, I’m warming up for my Australian travel writing). Was on my way to see a customer who lives just outside Callander, in a truly remote location high up in the hills. Realistically, it’s not truly remote, as it is really only a few miles from Callander, but it feels genuinely remote. After leaving the A84, I drove for a couple of miles on single track roads/farm track, and through somebody else’s farmyard, before reaching his house. Halfway up I encountered a flock of sheep guarding the upper reaches, one of which remained quite stubbornly in the middle of the track. Things could’ve got tricky here, but I mentioned that I knew Doug Smith well, and was immediately accorded the VIP treatment. Doug is a friend of mine with well-established links among the sheep community. I’d better say no more.

I made better time on the road up to Callander than I’d expected, and was considering a visit to a local coffee shop. In fact I have to confess I not only considered it but attempted to act upon it (I can hear the tuts of disapproval from all you Standard Life employees with your strong work ethic) by making a sortie into Doune. Given Doune’s location and size and everything you would really expect it to have at least one legendary coffee shop, but alas the only thing I could find was a stand on the street advertising a deli (I mean, come on, a DELI in Doune?) which professed to sell tea and coffee. Unfortunately I couldn’t locate the actual deli, just the stand advertising its presence. So I beat a hasty retreat from Doune, shook the dust off my feet as I left, etc etc. A cup of tea to perk me up would’ve been just the ticket, as sleep has been a little elusive of late. Last night this could be put down to the fact that my neighbours in the flat above me appeared to be trying to drill through my ceiling. Disturbed by the racket, I wandered out of my bedroom into my hallway at some late hour of the night, half expecting to find said neighbours parachuting down through a gaping hole above. However, they never materialised, which is a mercy, as I was in no state to receive visitors, and I managed to crawl back into bed and get some sleep.

So, the timer on my desktop informs me that it’s just over 42 days until the Ashes. Gosh it’s exciting. I do hope you’ve been keeping up to date with all the hype. More here. The other timer on my desktop is counting down the days to my holiday…

Anyway, time to seek some more of that elusive sleep.

Alternative ending for those with a passing interest in cricket:

Michael Vaughan has been making noises in the press recently about perhaps being fit to play in the 4th and 5th Tests at Melbourne and Sydney. These are, as it happens, the ones I’m going to. While it would be great to see Vaughan back in action, I would wonder at the wisdom of reintroducing him to what will hopefully be a settled team at what may be a crucial juncture in the series. Unless Australia have won the first three Tests (or indeed, England have) then the series and the Ashes will still be up for grabs come Melbourne. In addition, Vaughan, prior to his injury, has been out of nick with the bat for quite some time. His principal contribution (and it was a weighty one) to the Ashes win last year was as captain, apart from one solitary century at Old Trafford (which was laced with a fair bit of good fortune). I can’t see them bringing him back as captain for the last two Tests, unless Freddie has made a right meal of it and lost the first three disastrously.

Of more significance, in my mind, would be the return to the team of Simon Jones. I watched some of the Ashes 2005 DVD the other day, and was reminded of just how often he chipped in with crucial wickets. I would dearly love to watch him steaming in at the MCG and SCG in a few months’ time, but sadly I think those matches will come too soon for his recovery from injury. Pity.

From the Aussie point of view, it will be interesting to see how Michael Hussey performs – he’s been getting rave reviews, but then so did Michael Clarke in his initial Tests before hitting something of a slump in form. Hussey, by all accounts, is the real deal, and sounds like he might cause England a few headaches this winter.

Anyway, time to seek some more of that elusive sleep.

Forum, singleness and graffiti, pt I

Whoa, it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything. Consequently I have a lot to write about, although whether any of it is of any consequence is another matter. I’m sure you’ll let me know if it’s not…

So Forum came and went in a bit of a blur 2 weeks ago. It was a truly mad week. Arrived Sunday to find that some of the PA gear (including the mixing desk) had been nicked from the tent the night before. Set up as best we could given lack of mixing desk, power and staging (the latter 2 because of ancient by-law governing grounds where Forum’s held prohibiting any work to be done on Sundays…), drove into Wrexham Sunday night and collected hire gear to replace stolen stuff. Monday evening students arrive, first session goes off ok, Nathan & Lou Fellingham and Jos (their guitarist) arrive and demonstrate much grace before I get their in-ear mixes approximately right. After hours session goes off ok… crawl into bed.. get up early.. spend next 3 days trying to work out why sound in tent is terrible, crawling into bed late and getting up early. Empire Biscuit stash runs out Tuesday, and have to make subsequent sorties into local village shop to get chocolate for sustenance. By Friday morning sound is still terrible but recordings of the open mic night on Thursday prove to be semi-decent and so I leave with some sound engineering pride intact. But not much. Crawl into work Monday morning more exhausted than when I left… yep I’ll probably be back next year. Mugs like me don’t grow on trees y’know…

Those of you with your finger on the cricketing pulse will have noted that Inzamam-ul-Haq spent yesterday and today defending his honour (and, if you believe the rhetoric) that of the entire Pakistan nation in front of an ICC hearing in London. He was charged with ball-tampering (a murky, evil practice in the eyes of cricket’s administrators), and bringing the game into disrepute by refusing to bring his team on to the field after umpire Darrell Hair had penalised Pakistan for the same murky practice during the 4th Test at the Oval. Inzy was found guilty of the latter and innocent of the former. I happen to agree with this judgement – clearly, even as a former cricket captain of Bellevue, I have not been allowed to see the match ball in question, but the fact that none of Sky’s myriad cameras at the ground picked up on any malpractice by the Pakistani bowlers or fielders, and given that Hair would have been able to inspect the ball (as umpires always do at the fall of a wicket) a short time before he decided to change it and award 5 penalty runs to England, yet appeared not to have a problem with it at that point, make it unlikely in my view that the ball’s worn condition was due to tampering. For those of you without your fingers on the cricketing pulse and yet still reading, bowlers have been known to raise the seam of a cricket ball, or scratch it with bottle tops and the like, in order to make it deviate more in the air and off the pitch, and thus make it more likely to get the batsman out. This is ball-tampering. Now, whether a cricket match (particularly a Test match) is exciting or not depends heavily on the balance between bat and ball – e.g. if the bowlers are rendered ineffectual by a flat pitch then the batsmen will score mountains of runs, it will probably be fairly boring, and the game will most probably end in a draw. In order to actually win a Test match, a side has to bowl the opposition out twice – i.e. take 20 wickets. Personally I find cricket matches more enjoyable when the bowlers are marginally on top – by my reckoning this was the case for most of the Ashes series in 2005. Whether that was due to helpful conditions, great bowling, or lack of application from the batsmen is not clear. But it matters little. It was a great series, some say the best Test series ever. So my point is, why not let the bowlers modify the condition of the ball a little? There is a strong argument that says that all of the recent innovations in cricket have been to the advantage of the batsman. I am on the bowlers’ side in this one.

Still on cricket, sort of. Read a great article this week in the Telegraph. And another one in the Guardian, just to even things up politically. The last cricket side to visit Australia on tour was South Africa, earlier this year. The South Africans copped a fair bit of racial abuse from some of the Aussie supporters. In light of this, and in advance of the forthcoming Ashes series, Cricket Australia have been forced to consider whether the words “Pom” and “Pommies” could be deemed racist.. they have decided not. However, our genteel Australian counterparts “must avoid linking the P-word with anything “hurtful… racist, offensive or humiliating”. So “filthy Poms” will be considered unacceptable, but “whinging Poms”, and the outstanding phrase “dry as a Pommy’s bath-towel” presumably won’t…

Oh dear. I’ve only written about Forum so far before getting heavily distracted by cricket…. Part Two to follow!