The bed, the car, and the bad-ass boyfriend

So, I am now the proud owner of a bed. A Queen bed (please, please restrain yourselves), if you will, which it would appear is the American equivalent of a kingsize bed in the UK. The British double bed is apparently called a ‘full-size’ even though it’s only one size up from the smallest, which is itself called a twin. Of course it is. Nothing could be more obvious.

I test-drove a car at the weekend, which was a lovely experience. After driving for a bit in the gathering dusk, I realized I hadn’t yet switched on the headlights, which instilled a whole new level of confidence in my passenger. This was the saleslady, called Tammy, and she had this lovely southern accent. She also had a great way of phrasing things, such as “you can turn right here” which meant “take the next left.” And right there, if you’ll forgive the play on words, is another British-US difference, not that this blog is meant to be a list of our cultural and linguistic differences, although it might continue in that vein for bit until I run out of steam, or differences, or get bored, or forget what Britain is like. A Brit would say “take a left at the lights”. An American, particularly, I feel, in the South, might say “you can go ahead and take a left at the next intersection”. A few weeks ago, or, perhaps more accurately, before I visited Nashville for the first time in May this year, I would have thought this a terribly extravagant waste of syllables and energy. Now it just seems like a more deliberate way of engaging in conversation, and reflects the joy which is taken in even the smaller details in life here. Of course, I should really point out for the benefit of my American readers that not all Brits are as culturally and linguistically repressed as me, that would be unfair. But some of them are. Oh yes.

But back to that left turn. I did feel Tammy should really have put a comma after ‘turn’, thus:

“You can turn, right here” which would have clarified her meaning somewhat, given that only a left turn was available. If I had a copy of “Eats shoots and leaves” I would have presented it to her there and then, or possibly after I had safely made the turn. I can’t remember if this incident was before or after I had come off the interstate onto the off-ramp, and was remarking how good the car was in the corners.

“Yes. It gets a little twisty here.” she replied.

That I took to be an invitation to go right on ahead and find out how good the car really was in the corners, and so I think I might have accelerated into the “twisty” bit. Oops.

“Can you tell I was in a wreck?” she enquired, her voice possibly rising in pitch just a fraction.

“Uh, I’m sorry?” I asked.

“This bit is quite TWISTY!” she continued, in a crescendo towards fever pitch, banging on my arm with a rolled up.. sales schedule, or something. I got the point and went ahead and slowed right on down.

Turns out she had been in quite a bad car accident a few years back, which instilled in me a new level of respect that she would ride shotgun with potential car buyers trying to find just how grippy their prospective purchase was in the corners. She mentioned her ex-husband in the conversation, and I wanted to ask her had she not thought about standing by her man, but being a model of self-discipline and restraint, I didn’t.

But back to the bed, so to speak. I found it (or rather AJ did) on Craigslist, which is the US version of Gumtree. Or vice versa. Anyhow, it was in search of this bed that I found myself driving into a dark deserted industrial estate in East Nashville tonight. I pulled up to the entrance of what might have been some sort of furniture storage facility, had I been able to see it properly in the dark, alongside the seller’s pickup truck, and was shown the mattress and box spring by this girl and her bad-ass-looking black boyfriend. There was no hip-hop pumping out of the pickup’s speakers, but there might have been. I had visions of me being found lying face down on said mattress with a single bullet hole in the back of my head, but perhaps I’ve watched too many of the wrong type of movies. Real life was, as ever, considerably less dramatic (I’m grateful), and twenty minutes later the pickup pulled up outside my new house in Nashville, where I am about to start renting a room. And so my brief sojourn in Franklin is almost at an end. Alyn and AJ, who probably didn’t find it quite so brief a sojourn, are looking to take on another lodger who would be willing to pay rent in root beer, cream soda and M&Ms.

Am quite excited about my move into Music City itself, and the resulting proximity to the live music scene there, not to mention some great indy coffee shops.  Cannae wait, like.

Starbucks drive-thru fail

Decided to try out the Starbucks drive-thru this morning. Was on my way to the DMV (American DVLA) to ascertain how I might perchance obtain a Tennessee driver’s licence. Having been warned by Alyn that this could take some time, I realised that skipping my coffee this morning at breakfast might not have been such a good plan, and resolved to visit Starbucks.

Now, a word here about Starbucks, since earlier in these pages I have been, um, forthright in my condemnation thereof. I am still not a fan as such, but have now had three Starbucks coffees in the States, and they have all been OK. Not outstanding, but definitely ok.

But Starbucks is on the way to the DMV, and they have a drive-thru, and getting out of one’s vehicle for anything other an emergency is frowned upon here.

And so it was that I arrived at the window, where the nice lady asked me for $4.32. I did wonder if she might be prophetic, as I hadn’t ordered anything yet. And it transpired that somehow I had managed to avoid ordering anything at the intercom-thing earlier in the drive-thru queue and she was charging me for somebody else’s venti iced triple shot pumpkin latte extra soy decaf. I am conscious that I was listening to WSM country music radio, but not *that* loud. This basic inability to use a drive-thru was kind of mortifying. It’s not as if we don’t have drive-thrus in the UK. Anyhow, the rest of the exchange went like this.

“Not a problem, so what can I get you?”

“Black Americano, small please”

“Where are you from?”

“Uh, Ireland”

At this point she screwed up her face and banged her hands on the counter, exclaiming “DARN YOU!”

I looked appropriately puzzled. She apologised for darning me.

“It’s only my favourite place!” she explained.

“Oh,” I said, “Have you been?”

“No.”

I love this.

“But it’s top of the list!”

I warned her to lower her expectations.

She gave me the Americano on the house, because “it’s not every day we get someone from Ireland in here.” I might have pointed out that I will be in there every day for the next 9 months if they keep giving me free coffee, Starbucks or no…

Chicago, April

There are a number of things I like about the USA. The relentless optimism, the excellent customer service, the efficient and decisive organisation. The outstanding breakfast menus.


And this last one is where I felt a little let down on my most recent trip across the pond, to Chicago last week. It seemed that all of Chicago was intent on having eggs, preferrably scrambled, for breakfast, and very little else. At one establishment, my colleague (for it was a work trip, lest any of you think I was holidaying again) and travelling companion Shona, found the breakfast menu had two sections, headed SCRAMBLED EGGS and SCRAMBLED EGG SANDWICHES. Now, I don’t mind eggs, but on the whole, if I’m going to go beyond a bowl of cereal for breakfast, would prefer some pancakes, with perhaps the odd slice of bacon and a sausage here and there. These were hard to find. We usually ended up in a cafe/deli called Cosi, which was a decent place, and baked its own stuff. Cosi now have a chain of such places, but they started out with one, which they claim they based on a small Parisian café. I would contend that the similarity is hard to spot, but such is the way of things. Certainly the coffee doesn’t quite stack up, despite their lofty claims.


At Cosi, they serve their own proprietary bagels, square rather than round in shape. Called Squagels. Indeed. Shona asked for one of these, and was met with a typically American barrage of options. 

 
“Which type of Squagel? Wholegrain, Plain, Cinnamon Raisin, Poppyseed, Everything, the Asiago Cheese is particularly good?”
 
I could sense Shona’s knees beginning to buckle here, but the girl kept going…
 
“Cranberry Orange, Sesame, Chocolate Chip, Basil Parmesan, Jalapeño Cheddar…?”
 
“I’ll have the one you thought was good” replied Shona, after a brief and futile attempt to compute all that information. (I had the chocolate chip one myself). 
 

Wednesday night we went to watch some ice hockey. The United Center, where the Chicago Blackhawks play, is known as the Madhouse on Madison. It certainly was a bit mad, no more so then during the national anthem before play began, which was cheered and applauded by the capacity crowd all the way through. To a man, as the anthem was sung, the crowd turned to face the end of the arena to our left. I looked up there to see two giant flags hanging from the roof – the Canadian Maple Leaf, shrouded in semi-darkness, and the Stars and Stripes, brilliantly lit by spotlights. 

When the crooner they had wheeled out for the occasion reached the line “… and does that star-spangled banner still wave…” someone turned on some sort of a hairdryer behind it and it started to billow. The cheering reached fever pitch.



The game was good, but it never had a chance of matching the build-up. Our other tenuous brush with American sport while we were there was a regular view of Soldier Field, where the Bears play, on our way to and from the convention centre. In their wisdom, someone (the architect? stadium authority?) has decreed that the space-age main stands be underpinned by faux Roman pillars, which gives the whole thing the appearance of a space-ship having crashed into a Greco-Roman temple.
But the music was wonderful. Chicago considers itself the home of the blues, by which I think it means the
electric blues. At the Kingston Mines club, we saw a couple of outstanding local bands, featuring Joanna Connor and Eddie Shaw, the latter having played with Muddy Waters and Howlin’ Wolf.



America. Always fun to visit, but it’s good to be back in the UK, a country where the phrase “small coffee” doesn’t equate to “large beaker”. And where proper sports are played. Cricket season almost upon us now. Bring it on!