The C-19 Diaries. Video-editing and Cheese.

Day 9

Today was a quiet day, spent submerged in headphones, engrossed in a dual-screen world of video-editing.  I realised that my practice of working with my laptop on top of my actual lap is saving a lot of heating bills here in the bunker. One of the silver linings that come with the current arrangement’s cloud.

Decided to have a lighter lunch today. No boiled eggs. No eggs at all in fact. 

This proved to be a false economy. Was starving by 3:30pm. Snacked on raw carrot and nuts. That’s right. Read that bit again, mum. 

On discovering La Favorita has closed (non-silver lining), the flatmate and I ordered Dominos online and watched the first Jack Reacher.

Hair status: bushy
Limoncello status: dry

Day 10

Woke up in a cold sweat from a dream that I had began the much-anticipated haircut and the clippers’ battery ran out of charge halfway through the process. 

More video-editing. Got very hungry at 10:53. Looked around at what was within easy reach, and found myself momentarily considering dipping a Vitamin C tablet in the left-over BBQ sauce from last night’s Dominos. But I came to my senses and made the trip all the way through to the kitchen for a Tunnocks Caramel Wafer. It was worth it.

Had a Zoom chat with Disco Dave. He is doing ok. He enquired after my haircut status, and I explained that things were getting bushier up there. It turns out Disco is an experienced home-hair-cutter. He has moved on from an all-over number 2 headshave to a GRADED cut, what you might call a 4-3-2. I am in awe at his skills. He gives me some tips on what to watch out for.

“The crown’s really tricky – make sure you go over that a few times.”
“That’s not going to be a problem, mate.”
“Ah.”

Recently I discovered the most amazing cheese in our fridge. West Country Farmhouse Mature Cheddar. This cheese is so good that I have almost singlehandedly eaten two whole blocks of it. Regrettably it belonged to my flatmate. And so I must make reparation for my theft.

It’s only available from Sainsbury’s. There are two problems with this: Sainsbury’s is fractionally further away than Morrisons, and so can it be considered an essential journey to drive there? And secondly, the Sainsbury’s DJ just isn’t in the same league.

But it’s probably wise to give the car a bit of a run, after days of inactivity, even though that will inevitably mean losing a coveted parking spot on the street. As I’m fastening my seatbelt, I imagine myself getting pulled over by the police.

“Is this an essential journey, sir?”
“I mean… this cheese is unbelievable, officer”

I made it to Sainsbury’s without incident. Seemed like the Sainsbury’s DJ was working from home.  There were no tunes at all, not even bad ones.

The other thing on my list of “essentials” (there really were only two things) was Lurpak. But all the Lurpak had been panic-bought apart from the Lurpak-with-added-garlic. I didn’t feel that this would work all that well sitting between my toast and marmalade of a morning, so I passed and picked up Another Brand.

Completely forgot to get some more Limoncello. And I lost the parking spot.

Hair status: slightly bushier
Limoncello status: hold the phone. The flatmate’s gone to Morrison’s.

The C-19 Diaries. Lockdown.

Day 1

Approximately two hours after I write a blog post entitled “Not in Lockdown yet…” the PM – wilfully ignoring my blog activity – broadcasts to the nation that we’re now Locked Down. 

Of course he doesn’t use that phrase. But we’re not allowed to leave the house, mostly. There is no definite time given as to when the new restrictions come into force, apart from a vague “from tonight”, so I drive through eerily-deserted streets to make an emergency visit to the office, where I forage for some equipment that will make video-production from home more achievable. 

Along with some decent headphones, I find coffee beans, pasta, and PINE NUTS. Glory be, as my granny would have said under similar circumstances. I also rescue a half-full packet of Tunnocks Caramel Wafers. All of the above are known ways to improve video production.

Then, as an afterthought, I retrieve my Nerf Gun from my desk. You just don’t know when you’re going to need a personal firearm at times like these. Disco Dave has been self-isolating for days, and we are fearing a rampage sometime soon.

Today, I spend the morning reorganising my “office” space, aka the living room, which I will now be sharing with my flatmate. I spend so much time on the reorganising and tidying that I don’t get any actual work done before it’s time to stop for lunch. It’s a nostalgic throwback to the days when I would find any manner of domestic tasks to do rather than sit down and revise for exams.

Myself and the ops team work on a new plan for how to produce an online church service, without access to our church building, and working remotely from home. The main problem we foresee is that some of our content-providers – who will record themselves on video – reside in the Sticks, where the broadband is so slow it would make you crave the good ol’ days of dial-up.

We speculate on ways that we could more efficiently receive the video files from them. Suggestions include training up a carrier pigeon. Or taking the SD card containing the video recording, strapping it to a nearby sheep and hope that it wanders into one of our gardens sometime soon.

We’re a resourceful team.

Yesterday I ordered a few things from Amazon. This morning I get a text message:

Your driver will deliver your parcel today between 17:18-18:18, you do have options if you’re not going to be in.

Oh, it’s ok. I think I’ll be in.

I have another delivery earlier in the day. On opening the front door, the driver jumps back, sort of like a startled rabbit, so as to maintain the 2m distancing. I think she overdid it and it was more like 3m. I am trying not to take that personally. 

My delivery included a birthday present from my sister. I had originally requested a new pair of ski poles, having snapped one in an unfortunate chair-lift incident during this year’s ski trip.

However, on account of the PM’s announcement last night, and the sudden-dawning realisation that my hairdresser would now be closing, I felt that hair clippers would make a more pragmatic gift. So I am now quite excited to try these out. I am also nervous about the results.

No photos will be posted here, don’t even ask. But anyone with a Zoom meeting lined up with me anytime soon (there are a few) is in for a real treat.