Fifty ways…

So, we were listening to Paul Simon one evening, and it was noted that his song “Fifty ways to leave your lover” only actually contains FIVE. Thus:

Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
Don’t need to be coy, Roy
Hop on the bus, Gus
Drop off the key, Lee

We thought this a poor show and started coming up with some others. It would make for quite a long song, but anyway. We didn’t quite make it to 50.. including Mr Simon’s contribution we’ve got 46, 47 if you include Jen’s rather lame one at the end.

DC then made the salutary point that we might be barking up the wrong tree. We can worry about ending a relationship when we’ve got one to end…

Still, the list is below and your suggestions are welcome…

6. Send her a text, Lex
7. Catch yourself on, John
8. Get on the train, Wayne
9. Get rid of that beau, Mo
10. Stop being a slave, Dave
11. Get out while you’re still alive, Clive
12. Run for the hills, Bill
13. Time to move on, Don
14. Just take your leave, Steve
15. Find a new crew, Lou
16. Find a new lady, Adi
17. Don’t go to the altar, Walter
18. Get on your bike, Mike
19. Escape from the noose, Bruce
20. Two’s too many, Kenny
21. Find a new man, Anne
22. Time to be departin’, Martin
23. Time to pack, Mac
24. Sling your hook, Luke
25. Get on the plane, Jane
26. Take a new path, Kath
27. Wash him out of your hair, Claire
28. Hit the trail, Gail
29. Start a new story, Rory
30. Lose the pratt, Matt
31. Time to get picky, Vicky
32. Quit stallin’, Colin
33. Say goodbye, Di
34. He’s not that great, Kate
35. Change the lock, Jock
36. Move abroad, Maud
37. Lose the miss, Chris
38. Cross the sea, Dee
39. Don’t let her rant, Grant
40. Stop being a mug, Doug
41. Ride off on your Harley, Charlie
42. Don’t let her follow you, Bartholomew
43. The bus leaves at 7, Kevin
44. Find someone more cuddly, Dudley
45. Drive away in your Clio, Leo
46. Make a new start, Bart
47. Get a new phone, Joan (this was Jen’s suggestion and we didn’t think it was very good)

19 thoughts on “Fifty ways…”

  1. Being a slightly particular lyricist when it comes to rhyme, I have borrowed your metaphorical red pen Andrew and would like to point out that text and lex, and hills and bill do not in fact rhyme. Also, there were some fairly inventive / regional accents going on when hook – luke, path – kath, and stallin – collin were approved.
    However I have some extra suggestions for you – you may be equally harsh in your evaluation!
    Get out the house, Scouse
    Go on, leave home, Jerome
    Get out the bed Ted
    Do a bolter Walter (I know Walter has already been advised)
    Just buzz off Gorbachov
    Go on Be gone John (John may also have already gone)
    Put on your shoes Suse
    That’s your lot Dot
    See ya then Glen

    Happy rhyming

  2. Perhaps related to number 11…

    Punch him in the nose, Rose (or break his nose, Rose)
    Push him down the stairs, Claire (close to breaking the rhyming rules mentioned above)

  3. Broon, it’s “leave”, not “maim”. Unbelievable.

    F…, “Do a bolter, Walter” ?? I thought you were particular with rhyming rules?!

    What about “Fly away on her broomstick, Rick”…?

  4. Rhyming is phonetical not written surely? If Paul Simon had sung it in his song there would have been no scanning issue! Look at wayne and train, lee and key, noose and bruce, many and kenny…need I go on?

  5. It’s good to let people know where they stand, even if it is at the bottom of the stairs (standing more horizontally than vertically, I would imagine).

    Your comment leads me to believe that you are against ALL forms of physical violence, Andrew. Is this correct?

  6. That would be reading too much into it, Broon. There are occasions when violence is acceptable and justifiable, such as when one spies a yellow car nearby. Or in the distance.

  7. Are you sanctioning the yellow car game Andrew? If I had known that…
    I might add I’m quite good at it, although there are so many yellow cars around these days that ‘maiming’ might be closer to the truth than it used to be.
    Anne I quite like punch him in the nose Rose – quite acceptably violent – but ‘stairs and claire’ absolutely breaks the rules.

  8. Or when one seems unable to distinguish between yellow and any other colour known to man?

  9. F – or should that be Ph – there’s another good reason why “bolter” should not be allowed. According to the Collins English Dictionary a “bolter” is informal Australian for “an outsider in a contest or race”. CED also offers an archaic usage of “an escaped convict; bushranger”.
    Anyway, on a more prosaic note, how about – “Catch the next ferry, Terry”. This satisfies both rhyming and etymological criteria.

  10. Once read a book called fifty ways to tell your mother, dont think there is a song about it tho……

  11. How about..

    Give her some of Anne’s cake, Jake!

    This is sure to work isn’t it Colin?

    Hehe šŸ™‚

  12. DC: Does your keyboard know the dipherence in any case?
    The Webster dictionary defines ‘bolter’ as ‘one who bolts’ – particularly though not exclusively pertaining to a horse: bolt being to break away from, flee or withdraw support from.
    Surely you can’t exclude a word based on its multiple other meanings

  13. Regardless of what bolter means, F…, I feel that your suggestion remains fundamentally flawed. It doesn’t rhyme! Bolter clearly does does not rhyme with Walter. Not where I come from anyway…

  14. But where you come from, any word with more than one syllable is a bit of a liability for the rest of us to conform with! And if you insist on pronouncing it ‘bowl-ter’….

  15. Good point Broon! The only way “Walter” and “bolter” could rhyme would be if one pronounced “bolter” as “bollter” or “ballter” or “bawlter”. Phundamentally phlawed as you say šŸ™‚

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